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So, liberals, progressives, Democrats, et al: I have proposed that obstructionism is not a winning message and that bitching, while sometimes unavoidable, will not take us to the promised land of victory. In order to win hearts and minds (and votes), we need a positive agenda to work towards. I don’t mean a declaration of What We Stand For; I actually believe that most of us know what really needs to be accomplished. And in many ways, it is obstructionism, in the sense of blocking out-of-control extremists and preventing disasters down the road.

Unfortunately, a policy of minor hardship now to avoid far greater pain in the future simply will not sell. The typical human brain just won’t accept it. I read somewhere that people with dangerously high cholesterol generally fail to change their diet or get more exercise, even if they’ve already had one heart attack, and instead cope with their fears by increasing their consumption of “comfort foods,” thus increasing the risk of a fatal artery blockage. In other words, most people won’t take unpleasant medicine, even to save their own lives, unless it’s candy-coated, and sold on the virtues of the candy coating rather than the risks of not taking the medicine.

The Republicans seem to have the candy-coating thing worked out. Their main priorities are things like outlawing abortion, repressing homosexuals, establishing a plutocratic society, etc. But they go out and campaign on simple ideas with an instant, Id-level appeal, such as tax cuts and bombing “the enemy.” In order to stop their train-wreck policies, we the opposition need to get into a position of power where we can actually do something other than bitch, and for that we need to advance policies which appeal to the instant-gratification-demanding drones who hold the balance of power.

So much for fundamentals; let’s have some Xs and Os, right? Good news: I believe there are plenty of appealing offers that we can extend to America and which the Republicans will never match. I’ll outline a few, but if anyone has more ideas let’s hear them.

1. Publicly-funded health care. The central appeal is obvious, free health care for everyone, duh. But, also consider that your old, sick parents will be taken care of without your time or expense. And anyone who owns a business is instantly spared the expense of employee health insurance.
2. Federally-funded education. School spending is de-coupled from property taxes, so the schools in the poorer neighborhoods will be just as well-funded as those in the rich neighborhoods. Your kids get a great education without you having to obsess over finding a house in the “right” school district.
3. A shorter standard work week. Again, the basic appeal is obvious. Additionally, it should help either productivity (better-rested employees make up for the lost time) or unemployment (employers make up for the lost time by hiring more people).
4. A nationwide high-speed rail system. Threefold appeal: First, moving freight by rail reduces the number of semis on the roads, letting you actually see the exit signs once in a while. Second, many trips become faster and cheaper than flying by avoiding the nightmare of airports. Third, high speed trains go really fast and kick ass.
5. Resources to help all Americans find rewarding work. If you used to work for a health insurance company or a trucking firm, you get financial support and retraining. If you have a job but it sucks, you get the opportunity to learn skills which actually contribute something worthwhile to society. And, parents and students alike rejoice: higher education is made available to every qualified student.
6. Intellectual property law reform. We break up the copyright cartels. You don’t go to jail for circumventing copyright protection, but hardware companies will get spanked for restricting fair use in their products. Copyright terms expire after twenty-eight years, at most (Any movie older than 1977? Download it for free.), or if the material is no longer available from the copyright holder (free and legal Nintendo ROMs). And aging pop-stars who snorted all their savings up their nose, expecting to get royalties for eternity without doing any work, are eligible for rehab and job re-training.
7. Fiscal responsibility. How do we avoid the “tax-and-spend liberal” label? Well, we don’t. That’s primarily how a government operates: collecting taxes to pay for the provision of services. But to ease the anxieties of tax-allergic Americans, we can offer a few revenue-positive ideas.
   • Health care is made less expensive, as demonstrated in any number of other counties, by replacing multiple layers of redundant bureaucracy with one centralized bureaucracy.
   • Defense spending is slashed. This saves a fortune, and really, what would America prefer: an expansive army intended for a now-obsolete battle of Armageddon and yet incapable of pacifying even one foreign oilfield? Or lots of free stuff? (And to mollify opposition to “base closings,” we’ll start close overseas bases first, and begin reassigning the domestic forces to roles in any of the above projects, again helping to cut costs.)
   • Drug legalization. The expenses of the war on drugs are replaced by revenue from drug-sales licenses and taxes on their sale. (Don’t worry, parents; if the local High&Low ever sold to your kids, they would lose their license and lots of money. Probably won’t happen very often.)

Finally, some people will never be comfortable living in a publicly-owned paradise, or sharing it with homos, poor people, blacks, atheists, vegetarians, etc. For those unfortunates, we will offer psychiatric care to help them work through their prejudices. And if they should decline this offer, or simply cannot get their minds to accept an actual good life, then, taking a page from The Matrix, we will provide a shitty reality exclusively for them and their fellow reactionaries. They won’t be permitted any firearms, but otherwise they can hate and steal from one another to their hearts’ content. For this purpose we shall use Oklahoma (any sane residents of Oklahoma will be offered paid relocation to any state of their choice.)

Happy Independence Day, now let’s go drink to a better America.