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Can you believe there are places in America that do not have high-speed internet? Unreal, I know. So here is the quick recap of the first nine stages of the Tour to catch you up and get you excited about week TWO! I’ve missed a couple of exciting days but there are plenty to come.

Stage 1: BORING. Time trial. Cancellara “came off the mountain like a missle” (according to Phil) to take the yellow jersey.

Stage 2: EXCITING sprint finish! Cavendish, self-proclaimed “fastest man on two wheels” wins it.

Stage 3: EXCITING Windy day splits the field. Cavendish wins again. Armstrong moves to 3rd place overall.

Stage 4: EXCITING Team time trial. Goal: Get five of your nine team members across the finish line as fast as possible. Astana wins easily. “Spartacus” a.k.a. Cancellara stays in yellow. Armstrong moves to 2nd. Contador in 3rd.

Stage 5: UNBELIEVABLE Thomas Voeckler, a French guy, wins the stage. He’s incredulous as he looks over his shoulder on his way to the finish line. The commentators, too, are incredulous. A French guy? Winning a French race? Wow. No change in the overall standings.

Stage 6: RAIN DAY lots of crashes, “God of Thunder” Thor Hushovd wins.

Stage 7: SURPISE 1st mountain stage.  Astana leads the pack, Paul and Phil are sure that Contador will not attack. Then Contador ATTACKS pushing Armstrong to 3rd overall. Bob says, Contador can’t help himself, it’s like a “scorpion trying to tame his sting.” Armstrong says that “wasn’t really the plan” but wasn’t surprised. Nocentini takes the yellow jersey from Cancellara.

Stage 8: ANOTHER SURPRISE. Sanchez, from Spain, takes the stage. Sanchez? Who’s he?

Stage 9: THOSE FRENCHIES do it again. Fedrigo takes the stage after a long two-man lead out. Overall standings do not change.

Phew. ‘Nough said. See you after Stage 10.