Stickybuffalo.com

Dear New York,

There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you about. It’s like this, you see… I’m trying to understand why, if you’re so awesome, and we’re so lame…

Why does it seem like you’re constantly trying to grab our stuff?

Mr. LeBron James, still, for those who may have lost track, of the Cleveland Cavaliers

I mean, personally, I believe Mr. James should be free to make his own decision about where to play. That said, you don’t really have any unique “right” to the best basketball player in the world. Sorry, but you don’t.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum. Cleveland, Ohio.

Nor is it in any way a travesty which demands to be “corrected” that this is located in Ohio’s Forest City, rather than in a self-appointed capital of everything and everywhere.

So could you maybe just chill a little, and learn to share rather than needing to have absolutely all of the good toys to yourself like a toddler with a case of the grabbies? I tell you what, to demonstrate the spirit of sharing, I’m willing to offer you an absolute sweetheart deal on a local mascot beloved by many:

The Cleveland Indians' enduringly popular icon, "Chief Wahoo." Yours cheap. Very cheap. Please. Just take him.

Your pal,

Cleveland