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It’s been some time since I’ve done one of these posts, and I hadn’t even really intended to be writing any sort of “series,” anyway. But, hey, maybe it’s a decent idea. I can certainly think of a thing or two to say to one state in particular, of late… I actually wrote this up about a week ago and then thought, hm, isn’t this just gratuitous even by SB “standards?” But having given it further reflection, actually: no. The problem is not going away, and may well be getting worse. So, then…

Dear Tejas,

Could you just go the fuck away, at some point here, already?

Seriously, for all that we hear about fucking Texas this, Texas that, Texas Texas Texas all fucking day long day after day week after week all year ’round, what positive contribution to anything has come out of Texas in recent memory?

The Mavericks’ victory in this year’s NBA finals, maybe? I didn’t personally see this as positive, but I realize that many non-Texans nonetheless embraced the Dallas team as America’s sweethearts in spite of being the expensive toy of Mark Cuban, whom most people otherwise agree is a dumbfuck jerk. Aside from myself, there was indeed widespread sentiment that a Mavs victory was desirable, because old Dirk Nowitzki “needed” to get a championship finally, and more importantly because someone needed to prevent the Miami Heat from getting one, because they had been appointed as the “bad guys,” because they seemed to be obnoxious and full of themselves… like, in other words, the entire state of Texas…

Still, for argument’s sake, I’ll grant that the state of Texas was somehow the savior of the NBA this year. Considering all the noise which comes from that particular renegade former province of Mexico, I don’t think “hero of the NBA finals” goes very far. What else does Texas have to its credit?

…yes, that would be the sound of crickets chirping if this were a podcast.

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It’s that time again. Yesterday, the MMQB column of vacationing Peter King was turned over to First Sergeant Mike McGuire for some July 4th, rah-rah boosterism about America’s activities in Afghanistan.

Criticism of this, particularly on our most exuberantly patriotic, flag-waving All-American holiday, would no doubt be very poorly received by many, were they to read any such remarks. Despite the fact that the very document which makes this day a holiday, as the anniversary of its adoption, objects repeatedly to the government of the day’s expansion and elevation of the army within American society. America’s founders were indeed, like much of the nation throughout its early decades, suspicious of and opposed to standing armies in general, British or American. Hardly much precedent for an obligatory “support the troops” sentiment, then.

All the same I’m sure that King, who has sort of “adopted” McGuire as a patron hero during the past several years, would probably at least question my timing in making critical comments, if nothing else. Which is fine, since I’ve long questioned the active and energetic embrace by King, and many others, of “the troops” as a sort of all-purpose, all-weather, nonpartisan, unifying cause for unequivocal celebration. (more…)

From the Cleveland Clinic:

GERD – Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease

When you swallow, food passes down your throat and through your esophagus to your stomach. A muscle called the lower esophageal sphincter controls the opening between the esophagus and the stomach, and remains tightly closed except when you swallow food. When this muscle fails to close, the acid-containing contents of the stomach can travel back up into the esophagus.

To treat GERD, we recommend the following:

Limit consumption of fatty foods, chocolate, peppermint, coffee, tea, colas, and alcohol — all of which relax the lower esophageal sphincter.

Fat, chocolate, tea and alcohol. Uh-huh. I guess that’s plausible given that I frequently consume all of these things. Okay.

So, what’s left to make my life worth living…?