Stickybuffalo.com

Having let events play out for about a week, now, since a deranged loser sprayed bullets into Gabrielle Giffords and other people in Tucson, I feel like the situation is adequately established to make a few comments.

I’ve probably got three main points I’d like to make. The first, and foremost, is: what utter, fucking ridiculous tripe. What an absolute fucking farce. Normally I don’t like the “everyone is at fault” cop-out, but in the responses to this ugly little incident, I’d say that about nine-tenths of what has followed has been so goddamn painfully stupid that it’s been very tempting to just ignore the whole mess. Even sources I usually respect have, with few exceptions, lost touch with perspective and critical thinking and joined in the collective national anguish orgy.

In a way this is like a miniature replay of September 11, 2001 and its aftermath, when this kind of hive-mind seemed to form, leaving out only a few baffled observers like myself. Suddenly nine in ten people approved of George W. Bush, why? Were that many otherwise-critical people so impressed by the way he stood on that pile of rubble with a bullhorn? “They’re saying it’s another Pearl Harbor,” people kept parroting. Aside from the invalidity of the premise itself, I kept wondering: who was saying this? Everyone seemed to be assigning the statement to “they,” without anyone endorsing it personally.

This time, “tone down the heated political rhetoric” or some close variation seemed to become the mantra spilling from everyone’s lips, within mere hours. It seemed like everyone was instantly declaring that we should not rush to judgment, or to point fingers, yet apparently no one felt that they could afford to wait before making their statement. And so by Monday, the actual reality of what had actually happened in the real world was completely submerged beneath a torrent of reaction, pre-emption, counter-reaction, meta-reaction and other such largely meaningless garbage. (more…)

Season of giving? Peace on Earth and goodwill toward men? “Unto you is born a savior?”

Good grief!

Oh well. I’m not going to let this kind of pious hippy claptrap ruin my Christmas of materialism, boozing, weirdness and surreality. Let’s look at what odd Christmas-related images have ended up on my Mac over the years. (more…)

Dear Santa Claus,

Pretty much everyone has been bad this year. Republicans. Democrats. China. America. Just about everyone who appeared on TV for any reason. Capitalism. Young people. Old people. Voters. Nonvoters. The Huskers and Buffaloes; Cleveland sports fans and Cleveland sports teams (well, they certainly haven’t been good in any meaningful sense).

But please don’t give out coal. We already have such a superabundance of that shit poop that its resultant low price as a combustible fuel is a huge obstacle to efforts to prevent the catastrophic global warming which is probably going to melt your North Pole home during my lifetime. So please don’t give the world more coal.

I would suggest giving out reality checks, but people have actually had like an avalanche of them lately and it doesn’t seem to have made any difference. So, perhaps just take down Twitter, Facebook and television instead? (FWIW that last suggestion is a sacrifice on my part because I really like having the NFL with my holidays this time of year, but I love ya big guy and would do anything to help out, y’know.)

As for me, you know I’ve been a goody two-shoes pussy since I was old enough to walk and I’m still such a mild-mannered dupe that I can’t really expect to receive any sort of reward other from than a mythological being like yourself. Admittedly, there isn’t much I really need this year; two large silver suitcases filled with $100 bills would be nice, but everyone else is broke so I imagine you aren’t immune, either.

Maybe you could hook me up with Lisa from Ice Road Truckers…? Or even someone who looks vaguely like her. Or someone who looks vaguely like an attractive young woman.

And hey, if not, a case of whiskey is certainly welcome and probably much more practical anyway. I’m good with Seagram’s Seven Crown, honestly, by the way; don’t go out blowing money on some overpackaged gimmick like Crown Royal on my account. No need for empty gestures of status between you ‘n me, S.C.

Peace. Your friend,

Matt